What Having 11 Kids Has Taught Me About God’s Provision
If I’m being really honest, a clanging gong in my head is often around there being “enough.”
Specifically, not enough:
time
energy
money
quiet
focus
certainty (oof, this one’s the worst)
of me to go around
Let’s be real: in a house with 11 kids- ages 16 to 6 weeks- the not-enoughness is loud. It’s crying babies and revolving door schedules and seemingly endless chauffeuring and fighting over dollar store toys and someone always needing you. It’s holy and overwhelming and stretching in every possible way, and very different conditions than what I thought was necessary to thrive in parenthood.
I used to think that one had to be “prepared” for parenthood. I used to think God’s provision meant “everything’s in place before you leap.” But the reality is: that’s just not how He tends to work with me.
One of the most common questions I get asked when people find out I have 11 children is, “how on earth do you afford it?” This question actually started coming more commonly after we passed the 4 kid mark, and really gets asked at the 11 kid mark. And again, if I am being really honest, there have been many times where the month has seemed to go on unceasingly longer than our funds could sustain and payday was simply just too far away.
But somehow, 11 children later, we’re still here.
There have been so many moments in my life when God has provided in the most unexpected ways.
A last-minute client that came “out of no where.”
A forgotten cheque arriving in the mail.
Groceries paid for by reward points I didn’t realize I had.
A client renewal that came through right before a bill was due.
And then there were times when He didn’t “come through” in the way that I preferred. I have COUNTLESS stories of launches that failed, proposals that went unaddressed, DMs that went nowhere, time and energy I felt I wasted that I would never get back…
But looking back, even those were provision.
Because they taught me how to stop relying on me.
Let me tell you just how real this gets.
At my recent Surrendered Success LIVE event—literally the morning of the last day- I got some financial news that sent me into a spiral. The kind of spiral where you don’t just question the budget… You question everything.
I sat on the bed, holding my newborn, ugly crying. Like… full meltdown. Mascara dripping on my infant’s head. (Sorry, baby girl.)
I had this moment of complete vulnerability:
“Who am I to be leading this? Maybe I should cancel. I feel like such a fraud.”
And then- one hour before I needed to go live- I had a scheduled client call.
On that call, we confirmed a meaningful new contract and they sent an immediate electronic transfer (because no one was in the office to cut a cheque).
It doesn’t always happen this way.
But sometimes… it does. Just enough to remind you:
You’re not the provider. He is.
The Most Important Provision Can’t Be Deposited
Provision is not about everything falling into place.
Provision is learning to fish all night and still trust that the Lord can fill the nets when He says the word.
It’s learning to sit in the disappointment- and still have hope.
It’s realizing that sometimes, the most abundant grace comes in the “no,” not the “yes.”
It’s in the moment you finally realize: it was never all on you.
Have I learned that lesson? Yes.
Do I STILL spiral? Also yes.
But the evidence speaks louder than my fear.
I can trust Him.
Surrender and the Lie of Self-Reliance
In my work with The Guiding Star Project, a network of life-affirming women’s healthcare centers across the United States, part of my job is to lead our fundraising efforts. And it’s a job where in my experience, the results are not immediate.
About 2 years ago, I was lamenting of my lack of success to a mentor of mine, and while she did give me some practical tips to implement and books to read, the strategy she really encouraged me to lean into was praying every day and to surrender this work to the Lord.
I remember having the most visceral reaction to this. I immediately thought, Absolutely not. That’s not enough. I need to DO something. The self-reliant version of me just could not comprehend that this would “produce” anything.
But now, two years later, I see that surrender isn’t a passive thing- it’s the most active faith there is.
Because true provision comes when we realize we’re not in charge of the nets. We’re not the source.
God allows us, like Peter, to “work all night and catch nothing”, not to shame us, but to gently train us to trust.
This quote from Divine Intimacy puts it best:
“He lets us, as He let Peter, "work all night without catching anything;" But afterwards, as He sees our growing awareness of our poverty and our willingness to admit it openly, He will come to our aid. We must, then, have great faith in Him, never allowing ourselves to give up through lack of success. Every day, relying "on His word," we must begin anew. If we have learned not to trust in our own strength; we must also learn to have complete confidence in the divine aid. If we have caught nothing until now, perhaps it is our lack of unshakable confidence that is the cause, and this deficiency, besides being displeasing to Jesus, paralyzes our spiritual life. Then let us repeat with Peter in a similar cry of confidence: “in verbo tuo laxabo rete," Lord, at Thy word, I will let down the net. And let us repeat it every day, every moment, without ever growing weary.” - Divine Intimacy, p 630
Mindset shift:
Self-reliance says: You’re only as safe as your bank balance.
Surrendered Success says: Your security isn’t in a number. It’s in a Person.
Practical business tip:
Build in margin both in time and in dollars. Don’t schedule every minute or spend every dollar assuming everything will go exactly to plan. Create space for delays, disruptions, or divine detours. Leave room for God to move.
Margin protects your peace, makes room for discernment, and reminds you:
You’re not the provider. He is.
Finally, some fun things to share with you:
Some of you were asking if you could purchase a replay of my recent live event, Surrendered Success LIVE. Here you go- just $9 (plus there’s a fun offer for a $1 trial to my Wealth Without Guilt Academy and continued LIVE coaching with me). This event was a tender one to do, and I am grateful for every (painful) lesson I share in this event as they have all led me to trust Him more and more.
My friend Jackie Lavery just released her very first original worship song called Sweet Name and I keep listening to it on repeat. Give it a listen!
Yesterday was First Friday and I was looking for a good spiritual read on my newly installed bookshelves in the photo above and found this short gem by Father Jacques Philippe, Trusting God in the Present. It’s a compilation of pieces of his most popular works and is a very accessible read. Perfect length for when it feels like you can’t focus on something longer.
Final thoughts…
If you found yourself nodding along (or crying into your coffee just a little), I’d love to invite you to become a paid subscriber. I’m so grateful for those of you who have supported my work in this meaningful way. It’s a small way to say, “yes, I need more of this in my life.” And it helps me keep writing the honest, mascara-dripping-on-your-newborn kind of truth that is sometimes necessary for a reset.