What I’ve Learned About Feeling Fully Alive as a Mom of 11
On gifts, discernment, talents, and what the enemy fears
What does it look like for you to live “fully alive”?
St. Irenaeus is famous for his quote, "The glory of God is man fully alive.”
But what does this mean? What does it look like practically lived out?
And what if you have no idea what this looks like for you?
And what if sometimes it feels like you are helping so many other small humans feel fully alive, that you are too tired to figure out what this is turned inward?
In my work as a coach, I have journeyed with countless women on this very topic. In 2019, my book The Possibility Mom: How to Pursue Your Dreams and Be a Great Mom at the Same Time was published, and 9 months later, Jennifer Fulwiler’s book Your Blue Flame: Drop the Guilt and Do What Makes You Come Alive. For a good stretch, I could see that our books would land in the same Amazon carts and in the same recommended reading sections.
Certainly, there have been other books on the topic of purpose, but what these two books have is a shared ache: a desire women to live fully alive.
And yet, so many women I talk to do not feel fully alive.
I think we all hit a point in life where we start to “wake up” and live more intentionally. It might be marriage, motherhood, or another meaningful event… but at some point, we all make a shift where we reject an old way of living, and live out a new way.
For me, it was a meltdown in my minivan in November of 2014, days after having my fourth child, feeling pressured to work I was hesded to a messy construction site with a newborn. That day I asked God to show me a more ordered way of working and parenting. In 2023, I would have subsequent frank conversations with God when I lived in 10 houses in 10 months, where I learned what it really means to rely on God, and not on your own strength. Both instances, and many other ones, have resulted in me questioning my life choices, and living a different quality of life.
It is worth pondering:
St. Irenaeus did not say,
“The glory of God is man barely surviving.”
He said alive.
What does it mean to live fully alive?
To me, it means living to your fullest potential. Being fully human. Using your gifts to better the world, to build the Kingdom… but with an essential element, which I’ll get to in a moment.
But before that, let’s talk about potential. I could speak ad nauseam on this topic. In fact, I have created courses that help people understand it, and build their life around it.
There are assessments one can take, like the MCode, Temperaments, Charisms and Strengthsfinder, that all help one understand the unique mix of God-given talents, skill, experience and passions that can exist in a person. It’s thrilling to watch these discoveries unfold in people, and witness how these gifts begin to transform the spaces they touch.
The catechism says:
“The faithful are called by God to contribute to the sanctification of the world from within, in their own proper way.”
-CCC 871
“Their own proper way” does not mean living someone else’s calling louder. It does not mean copying another woman’s rhythm, aesthetic, or ambition. It means embracing the particular way God designed you to sanctify the world.
And if that is true, if your gifts are not accidental but intentional… then it makes sense that there would be resistance.
I recently heard John Eldredge share on the Abiding Together Podcast- the devil is terrified of you reaching your fullest potential.
That doesn’t feel dramatic to me.
It feels logical. It feels incredibly motivating.
Because a woman who knows her gifts, roots them in God, and offers them boldly is not just productive.
She is dangerous to darkness.
An important question for reflection: What would the world look like if you were living life to your most fullest, unique potential?
I want to come back to the St. Irenaeus quote- and especially to the often omitted second part:
“The glory of God is man fully alive; and to be alive consists in beholding God.”
That second half matters. It is essential.
To behold God, to draw close to Him, to fix our gaze on Him, to live aware of His presence, is not an optional spiritual add-on. It is essential. Which means we cannot talk about “living fully alive” as if it were merely about maximizing potential, chasing passion, or optimizing our schedules. Those things have their place, but they are not the source.
You cannot be fully alive while disconnected from God.
You may be efficient. You may be admired. You may be productive and needed and even impactful. From the outside, your life may look vibrant. But if you are spiritually untethered… if you are not regularly turning your face toward the Lord, it will never be enough. The accomplishments will not satisfy. The recognition will not steady you. The busyness will not animate you from within.
I’ve lived seasons of intense building: launching, writing, speaking, leading. And I’ve lived seasons of agonizing stripping, where everything familiar felt unstable and I had no choice but to confront my own limits. As a working mom of eleven, I have tasted both momentum and depletion. And here is what I have learned:
Feeling fully alive has very little to do with how much I am accomplishing.
It has everything to do with intimacy with the Lord.
It’s about inviting Him into all of it: my motherhood, my ambition, my risks, my fatigue, my rest even. It’s about letting Him search my motives, steady my heart, enter into me via gaping wounds. It’s about asking, again and again, “Lord, what are You inviting me into?” and then actually responding.
Fully alive, I have come to believe, is participatory surrender. It is obedience. The daily, sometimes hidden, choice to cooperate with grace, and be in alignment with His Holy will for my life.
Some days it is easy, but other days it’s much harder. But it is, essential.
Because the enemy does not fear your busyness. I don’t believe he trembles at a colour-coded calendar or a long to-do list. What he fears is your obedience. He fears a woman who knows her gifts, cultivates them faithfully, offers them generously, and remains rooted in prayer. I believe he fears a woman who is fully human… letting grace build upon nature, doing the work to heal and help. A woman who is fully His.
And perhaps the reason so many women feel dull, restless, or half-awake is not because motherhood has drained the life out of them. Perhaps it is because somewhere along the way, in the noise and the needs and the endless logistics, we forget to behold. We forget to turn our gaze upward. We stop receiving before giving.
We all know the expression about not pouring from an empty cup. But this isn’t just about bubble baths and lattes. This is about source.
This is the invitation we are all called to, one that has taken me many many years to learn. One that I continue to learn. One that my self-reliant nature needs to be reminded of again and again.
The goal is not self-optimization.
The goal is union. It is the most important work.
“Our primary vocation is to be loved by God. What a radically freeing idea. If we simply allow God to love us, then we have done the most important work of our lives.”
-Claire Dwyer, This Present Paradise: A Spiritual Journey with St. Elizabeth of the Trinity